he’ll raise you from the dead for $1,000

“This self-proclaimed prophet says he can perform the miracle of all miracles—if you’re willing to part with a cool grand.”

Source: He’ll Raise You From the Dead for $1,000 – The Daily Beast


I’ve seen some amusing articles in my day, but this one takes the cake. I’d be curious to know how this works exactly. So I pay him $1,000 and I rise from the dead. Ok. Got that part. But what if I don’t rise from the dead? What happens to the $1,000? Does he keep it? Give it back to my living heirs?

Oh wait, I forgot something. While I’m waiting to die, how does he prove that he can raise the dead? So he gets to hang on to my $1,000 while I hope I’m raised from the dead after 30, 40 or 50 years of living? Do I get a few witnesses? I mean, can I attend the funeral of someone who told me in advance that they paid to be raised from the dead, wait for them to die, then watch to see what happens?

And who exactly is aware of his awesome gifts? Meaning, coroners, funeral homes, biologists? Have they made accommodations in the culture based on his services?

So when I’m awakened from the dead, how do I exit the coffin I might be placed in? Do I just lie there, alive, banging on the coffin lid? I need to know precisely how this is going to pan out so I can be clear on what actions need to be taken and what plans need to be made in advance. Maybe coffins will need to be made with a way to unlock them from the inside.

If I want to be cremated, will I now need to change my plans and be buried whole? Or can he bring cremated folks back from the dead? Is that an extra cost?

Can folks do payment plans? Maybe layaway? Yearly payments?

This is all so complex.

More than anything, I wonder…has anyone been dumb enough to actually give this guy $1,000 to be raised from the dead?

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