we don’t live in the past or the future. we live in the now. memory is not a timeline, nor a calendar. it’s a place where fragments of experience invade our lives non-stop. the now is the creation of new invaders, a small space where a piece of memory is created with each thought and experience.
realizing this makes the now sometimes seem small and weak and almost unable to sustain life in any perceived future. memory becomes sometimes fleeting, sometimes concrete, but always perception.
we’re here nonetheless, breathing and thinking and loving and wondering and hoping and dreaming and remembering. we dig into memory to find a timeline that seems oddly off kilter. sometimes we find balance, other times our remembering bursts forth in pieces that fall from our soul in no particular order. was it in 1995 or 2002 that i ate that flaky apple pie with whipped cream? it burst with flavor i’ll never forget. but when was it? what day of the week? what year? what hour of the day? it’s all fleeting, except for the feeling.
i remember many feelings. they stay when everything else runs away from the mind. i’ll carry them now. not for yesterday or for tomorrow, but for this moment.