A couple of weeks ago, a woman I thought was my friend accused me of doing something I did not do. To say I was hurt to my very core does not begin to express how bothered I was by her accusation. What is worse, her accusation–which she gave me no opportunity to discuss with her, because she harbored it and then suddenly sprang it on me–was her sole reason for no longer wishing to communicate with. I became the victim of someone’s belief.
I pondered this thing many days after. I even made attempts to talk with her, to get her to understand what could have happened. But she had completely closed herself off to any other possibility, stating that, “It is the only thing that makes sense.” Meaning the only thing that makes sense was that I intentionally did what I did. It seems in her world, only her way of seeing makes sense.
People like her have caused innocent people to go to prison for the better part of their life. People like her are the reason why women and children were burned alive during the Salem Witch trials. During that period, it was belief (and fear) that ruled those people. Their belief that it couldn’t possibly be nature that healed some people, but the demonic conjuring of certain people. Everything they believed pointed to only one possibility in their minds, and that one possibility led them to murder. Even further, they felt with conviction that their beliefs were righteous and pure.
People like her, without warrant, believe as those in the crusades did and like Hitler, that there is only one logical way to handle people who they believed was not like them. Or did not believe as they believed. Sometimes, we judge our beliefs based on the fact that others believe as we do. But we never take a minute to consider that beliefs are like a virus. They infect those who are too weak or shortsighted to see the truth. Sometimes, others believe based on nothing more than the infectious notion of one or two, taking a salt grain of truth and creating a Grand Canyon of falsehoods and misconceptions. The weak minded only listen and accept the thoughts of one, never taking the time to hear the other side, the side of those accused or ostracized. So it leads to hate, anger, fear and often, murder.
This woman is by no means religious. But she has chosen to adopt the behavior of religious zealots, whom she has claimed to not care for. It is sad that she cannot see that she is no different from them in that she has chosen to blindly believe something on the basis of a single incident, with all conclusions coming from an overly active imagination. She is the people who thought the world was flat because what they saw was the only thing that made sense. She was the accuser in the witch trials because what she saw and believed was the only thing that made sense. She is all those who have persecuted and murdered others, all in the name of their beliefs–beliefs that were taken too far, and all based on fear and perceived superiority.
Her perfectionist notion of her ideals and way of being seem to her to be the only things that make sense. And why? Because anyone who might do things differently from her, or assess things differently from her, is invalid. Only her validation and way of seeing are true and real. Only her beliefs, based on her kind of logic, are what make sense. She is the history of cruelty and self-centered insensitivity we have fought ages to overcome.
In her world, she is the Hitler, the Jim Jones, the accuser, the believer, the only voice of reason who has all the answers and knows all the truths. And woe be to anyone who does not believe as she does. Or does not see things in the way that she sees them. She is the gatherer of men and women to support her cause and her beliefs. Were this another space in time, I would be the one burned, hung or gassed because of one person’s belief, as she stands on the sidelines crying victim. And nothing would sway that belief, because she would have followers who she would never see are mere zombies, blind. And like herself, they could not see what has allowed us to advance in this world–possibility, differences, and a general recognition of human imperfection. More than anything, possibility is what sustains us and enriches us. Possibility is what allows us to let go of our self-righteous fears and misconceptions and see something other than what we think is true.
But the Hitlers of the world cannot see anything beyond their beliefs. All those, and their followers, who persecuted based on belief were wrong. Their beliefs were wrong, no matter how reasonable it seemed to them. And my ex girlfriend is wrong. She is wrong for accusing me, and wrong for defaming my character.
I’ve learned a valuable lesson from this about beliefs. They are a dime a dozen and should be seen in perspective, not used like a sword in battle. We cannot use our beliefs to wield judgment on others. If our beliefs are harmful to someone else, physically, spiritually or emotionally, then most likely, they are wrong. Further, I learned that although hurtful, the issue was not personal, but merely yet another expression of who she is. How many others has she accused of wrongs they did not commit? How many lay at the wayside of her life, bludgeoned to death by her unswerving beliefs? I’m sure more than I can count.
The universe gave me a gift. It removed her from my life and saved me from something potentially more harmful. It is a blessing I need to be aware of and accept as good. If all it took was a simple and insignificant misunderstanding, then what would have happened when something more important challenged our friendship? I shudder to imagine.
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