Wow. A new season is on the horizon. By the calendar, it is January 1st. But by nature, winter is now turning over to give way to spring. The winter solstice has come and gone, and our rebirth is at our heels. The moments of sunlight become longer, as we move into a new time in the earths rotation and into a new season. This past time, 2009, seemed to fly by. It came and went without warning or excuse. To examine what was left in its wake is a daunting task. In essence, what have I done, or what has happened to me?
I completed a novel this year. For me, this was the single most important accomplishment this year. It felt as though I created a thing that wanted to be created, that asked and begged to come into existence. But at the same time, as this triumph hangs high, the weight of my procrastination looms. I do not write daily, at least not toward my novels and short stories. It is meditation that allows me to remain centered around this, and not feel as though I am denying something to myself. Or denying something to those who might just want to read my creations. I dismiss the notion by telling myself my writing isn’t all that, the world will read other works and nothing will be missed. Yes, this is it. I am just a little fish in a big pond. But the other always creeps in and tells me it is not for me to decide. Write it the universe says, and it will handle the rest. My only responsibility is to love my craft and write it, whatever ‘it‘ may be.
I received a flood of revelations. Many welcomed, many not so welcomed. But all a part of the spiritual learning process. So much floods in at times, I find it hard to control it all. I feel as though something is out there, being prepared for me, and I don’t know how to step into it, if I’d even recognize it at all. But I know all I need is inside me. So I will sit silently and allow the knowledge and wisdom to come. I will keep writing, because it is the road to a future I can’t readily see.
My daughters. What can a mother say? They are two of the most beautiful young women I’ve met (19 and 14 years old). There has not been a year that I have not been honored to be their mother. I am humbled that their spirits picked me and hope that I never dishonor them by doing anything that would cause their souls to be lost. My new found love. He is amazing. I honor him, as he honors me. It is as though we’d been searching for each other for 1,000 years. He is a light in my life.
What a journey, this life. It is beautiful. It is exciting, yet strange, familiar, wrong, right, good, bad, painful, joyful, real, illusory, and everything else paradoxical but equally true. I will flow with this river. It is the river of life after all.
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Pittrshawn, your situation parallel mine. I too, feel that certain aspects of 2009 were blessings. I learned a lot as I do every year that wanes beckoning for a new one to find itself in the midst our existence. But we exist for God to continually give us the wherewithal to manifest the gifts and talents that has been bestowed upon us. Know that you are truly in His realm and your family is a testament to that which is anointed Grace from up on high! I commend you for the resolve to be the best mother you have been, but want to extol you even higher in my psych as the writer I know you are! I’ve always admired your style. I will always say to you: continue doing those things that mean the most to you, but most importantly — Keep your head to the sky!
We continue…
Alvin C. Romer
Editor/founder The Romer Review
and VERBATIM!
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